.Hurt.

I'm doing writing right now.but i got stuck. i couldn't really think right now. i can't brainstorm anything. my mind is so full of things. things that make me worry, sad, frustrated. things that i don't want to think, but they just keep coming.

tonight is cold. lately it's been cold.it's not that extremely cold.it's just a little cold. or maybe my immune system has weaken n become more sensitive.

.a letter to the author.

i wrote messages to Ovidia Yu, the author of A Dream of China, asking her some questions about the short story. it really feels different writing messages to intellectual. i felt kinda like an idiot. i guess the questions i asked seemed kinda stupid. it's so embarrasing, but luckily she replied my messages. but i guess it must annoyed her reading my long messages. i feel so bad.

she's active writing plays these days, if i'm not mistaken, judging from the info i got from the net. i googled to find her biography, but i haven't found one that's really complete. maybe i didn't try hard enough? i'll try again, later.

i also read her wordpress page.i like her style of writing in those pages where she shares what's inside her intellectual mind. since these days the only source of my reading is just what's written in the Super Junior forums, so it really is a change of genre. and content. it's a nice feeling.

when i read about her plays, it reminded me of those early days as TESL students when we got to see theater quite often. i enjoy watching plays in KLPac n The Actor's Studio. Some of the plays that i've watched are Romi, Joolee dan lain lain, Broken Bridges, Second Link. Oh, so actually i've only seen three plays. But i love all of them.

But these days i don't have any chance to go and watch plays.

Hm..well, maybe after i've graduated and earn my own money and go over Singapore, i'll catch one of Ovidia Yu's plays. if any is playing. her plays seem interesting. i would love to see what singaporean's play is like.

I would really love to go to Singapore one day.

.a long twisted path of life.

how many times in your life do you get confused?what kind of question is that?ah, i think i'm living so much for myself that i'm disappointing others. no matter how many times i say i'm sorry, i can never make up for what i've done. sometimes everything, the same things happen again and again. it's not sometimes, it's all the time.

i want to be happy. but my happiness isn't others' happiness. i'm just trying to indulge in this little happiness that doesn't always come across me, but why do people have to ruin it? i never care about other people's business, i never bother them, but why do they have to make my life miserable?

should i make their lives miserable too?

ah, really.i'm not like them. i think my mind's too tired now, i don't even know what i'm babbling. some things do make me upset, but do i really have the right to be upset?

i guess i'm really upset now.i'll stop here for today.

*such a serious tone today.sorry*