the usuals

it's 7.33 am. i'm editing chapter 4 and doing my chapter 5 of AE. what a loser. i know. but i feel better a bit. it still sucks, the feeling of being stuck in shah alam.

food

i want to go home. this semester i spent a lot of money. i didn't shop, really. all the money went to FOOD. yep, that explains my PROSPEROUS FAT. before this semester started, i was 47 kg. now, i've ganied 5 more kgs. i'm almost 52 kg now. i'm fat. i'm willing to admit that now.

when my mom called, she always tells me not to eat a lot, cause evrytime i go home, i just expand more and more. maybe she's afraid she wouldn't recognize me anymore. hahaha. sadly, her words - as much as i understand her concern, i just fail to oblige. Because i love to eat too much.

People eat to live, I LIVE TO EAT. I can't live without food. Who could?
When I'm stressed, i have to eat,
when I'm bored, i have to eat,
when I'm happy, i have to eat,
when i'm depressed, of course I need to eat a lot more.

Clothes

I haven't shop for a while. I only have a few jeans, 1 sweatpants, several t-shirts, few blouses and a couple of shoes and two flip flops.

but i do have quite a number of baju kurung. and these days, i don't make anymore new baju kurung cause i guess i have a lot already. maybe 12? usually i'll just have one new baju kurung a year for Hari Raya.

Even for Hari Raya ( I think it's been 3 years already?) I always forget about the baju raya thingy. usually only during the middle or the end of fasting month that i'd remember i hadn't bought my baju raya yet. and to buy kain and to get it tailored would be difficult.

but thank god, my mom and my sisters always bought me the kain in advance and sent them to be tailored. it was only when my mom called and told me that she'd bought the kain and asked me which of my baju kurung did i want to send as sample for the kain, would i remember about the whole baju raya thingy.

Stylish? No!

I am not stylish. i am not even normal looking. i am quite messy. my friend would say i am very messy and shabby <--is that the word? i'll check my vocab later.

i admit i am.

i like seeing people dressing up stylishly. but i'm not one. back then, i did put some effort in trying to look good. but after a while, i didn't care anymore. i just lost interest.

in fact, i lost interest in many things.

i always wondered about how i should look, what i should wear, how should i act in front of people, how should i make friends etc. now, these things didn't bother me anymore. in the end, i'd just be the person i'm comfortable being, living in my own world.

I'm anti-social. i think that's the word. i don't hate people. i just don't feel comfortable around people. I feel awkward and weird. and then i'll act weird and awkward and different like i have a multiple personality disorder or something.

i suddenly don't know what to say anymore about this, so i'll stop here..

The most important persons in my life - my mom and my dad. I MISS THEM. i know i haven't been a good daughter, spending their money way too much and I'm so dumb in study, aish..but I really want to go home and see them so badly. and go to town together.

I'M HOMESICK T.T

Just a little bit more, Nae. Maybe next week, you can go back. *pats self*

Weird ahjusshi oppa!

I've figured the reason Teuk looks different compared to the past years. He shaved and trimmed his eyebrows, that's why.

Why? Just why?

HIS BUSHY EYEBROWS LOOKED FINE BEFORE. I really don't understand. His eyebrows now make him look fierce and - well, I HATE IT.

let the eyebrows grow again ahjusshi oppa. jebal~!

Teuk with short hair. i still can't accept it. I miss his longer hair and bangs! But I love his current hair colour. His short hair makes him look chubby. but his body is still like he's made of stick and bones only.

Never mind, i still love u even if u're stick and bones, ahjusshi. even if u're a retard or crazy or dumb or whatever, i'll still love u. cause u just make me insane everytime.

plus u've got the looks, money and the BMW.

who cares about the brain.

Teuk's cheesiness is seriously affecting me.

I'm dead if DIE HARD Teuk's fans read this. They might kill me just at the word 'crazy, retard and dumb' that i use for Teuk.

I don't mean it, u see~ it's just to explain circumstance. and i put "IF" there.. which implies possibilities. *gets stoned anyway*

MY WISH

I know for a fact that I WILL NEVER/ CAN NEVER marry leader-sshi. I no longer feel so disturbed by that fact. ( u must think i'm a retard to even think i've got a chance with him. if u feel so, u're correct. i am a retard.)

So now, my latest hobby is finding the ideal woman for ahjusshi oppa.

My wish is - I hope when the time is right, he will meet someone pretty, so pretty that he'll never see other girls besides her.

I hope she's supermodel-like. Beautiful body, beautiful face, tall, confident, warm, motherly, noonim-ly, cute, adorable, sexy, hot, awesome, funny and most importantly she loves ahjusshi oppa more than I love him.

She's gonna look stunning wearing the white wedding dress *cries. i shouldn't start this*

ok, i'll stop here. Ahjusshi oppa, don't marry too soon. u're gonna break so many hearts.